Alright, I have a broken toe.
And it’s driving me crazy.
I’m tired of having a broken toe.
I feel like I’ve become a bad high energy version of Bugs Bunny. Trapped in a cage.
In other words, I’m feeling a bit loony. And so….
I want to pretend my toe is not broken.
On Sunday, I really missed running. So I said, ok Lora, let’s try a walk-jog. A woggle, if you will. For TEN minutes. Even though I really knew that probably wasn’t the smartest idea. I wanted to run so badly, I dismissed that voice in my head. I ignored reason. I ignored reality.
I promised myself I would go at a super duper slow pace. SUPER slow. Snail pace slow. So I set off on my walk. I set my timer. I ran slow slow slow for ten minutes. And then stopped. My toe was killing me. I realized, despite my promise to go slow, I still ran a ten minute mile. Which is considered, you know, to be an “average” pace. Definitely not a snail pace.
As I walked back to my apartment, I could feel my toe swelling up up up inside my running shoe. By the time I neared home, I was limping slightly. By the time I got home and took my shoes off, my toe was super duper swollen and, once again, an ugly nasty mix of bright red and blue.
Now, my toe is crankier than ever and I’ve got to remind myself to STEP BACK and TAKE IT EASY. I may want to be out there running and THINK that I should be out there running, but that’s not my reality. That’s not the way it can be right now. I’ve got to stop wishing, stop trying to push, and start accepting what IS.
And if I’m patient and don’t push, in four weeks I’ll be back to running again.
But in the mean time, I’ve got to work to let go of the way I think things should be and start accepting things the just the way they are.
How often do you catch yourself WISHING something was different? Or trying to manipulate or change a situation to be the way you want it? Have you noticed how that NEVER works? Eventually, something gives. You get injured. Your career stalls. You drop of the diet bandwagon. You realize you’re in a relationship with the wrong person. Or even, egads, you realize you don’t know yourself.
The important thing is to bring yourself back in to the present moment. To face reality as it is, not as you wish it should be. And not only to FACE reality, but to ACCEPT reality. And accept the things you cannot change.
The neatest part? Once you accept what is real, you will open yourself up to change. It may not be the change you would plan or want, but change it shall be. And change is a good thing.
For example, I can’t run and am doing a lot of restorative yoga. I realize I LOVE restorative yoga, even though it clashes with my “go go go” mentality. I also love to TEACH restorative yoga. So now, thanks to my broken toe and inability to run, I’m going to teach a restorative yoga workshop in April–something that is very needed in my community. And that’s just the beginning. Who knows what other changes and positive things are heading my way? But if I don’t accept reality for what it is first, I’ll never be open to finding out all the good things that can come from being okay with the present. Exactly as it is.
Do you find yourself having trouble facing reality? Do you try to pretend things are other than they are? Can you be receptive enough to let go and experience things as they are, right at this moment?
Give it a shot. Let me know how it feels. (Answer: It probably feels weird and scary.) And then let me know how it feels tomorrow. And the day after that. And the day after that. And….