In her email on March 4, Marie Forleo asked “how much do you care about what people think?”
And I read the subject line. I paused. I thought.
Hello, my name is Lora and I have a problem. I care too much about what people think.
Marie quotes Lao Tzu who said “care about what other people think and you will always be there prisoner.”
I have been a people pleaser prisoner and that’s a problem! (Try saying that five times fast!)
I like to be liked.
We all like to be liked.
But I sometimes liked to be liked so much that I am not being my true me. I’m giving in to my insecurities and hiding behind the mask of being “liked” by others.
And then I’m letting my fear, my insecurities, my NEED for external appreciation prevent me from being honest and present in the moment.
It doesn’t really matter if other people like me if I don’t like myself.
If I like myself the right people will like me for the right reasons and I will be genuinely liked.
When you like yourself first and let the real you shine out, you can share your authentic self with others.
And when you authentically are you, love you, and BE you…you inspire others to break free and live outside of insecurity.
This does not mean you do not act with kindness, treat others with love, or that you stop being a considerate person. It means that, instead of looking to others to affirm what you have done, you do it just because it is the right thing to do. If they like you, thank you, appreciate you–that is just an added bonus.
I realize that so many people let their insecurities take over. And that when we let our insecurities win we are preventing ourselves from shining brightly, from being truthful, from impacting others positively, and, most importantly, from being truly ourselves. Our insecurities make us “people pleasers,” worriers, stuck in jobs we don’t like, maybe having untrue friends, weight issues, you name it!
You’ve got to let the real you, the awesome you, the confident you, the inner you SHINE OUT!
When I was a child, I was one of the happiest kids on earth. For serious. My teachers at Montessori School would always tell my parents how amazed they were by my joyous nature and my ability to stay positive and bounce back.
Because, when I was a kid, I never worried what people thought. If someone was being mean to me, I would just leave them and go play with someone else. Or play by myself. I just wouldn’t hang around. I wouldn’t try to fight back with them. I wouldn’t WORRY about whether or not they liked me. I’d just keep on being me. And if xyz person wasn’t down with playing with me, there were plenty of other nice kids on the playground to go talk to.
As we age, however, we over-analyze. Cell phones and facebook only makes things worse. We don’t just be ourselves we play a role. We intentionally blend in or try too hard to be different. We try to CONTROL the way people view us out of insecurity and worry. Instead of letting our true selves just be what they are.
I worry about people, because I’m scared they won’t like me. So what if one person doesn’t like me? It doesn’t change who I am on the inside. And it doesn’t mean I won’t be nice to them. It just means I need to play with a different kid on the playground. Or go spend some quality time with moi.
But the important thing to remember is to always be my most authentic self. To not change my actions from what my heart says in order to “get someone to like me.” To be fully me and lead by example.
We are all pretty amazing people on the inside. It’s time to let our awesomeness shine out! To be brave and lead by example.
We don’t need other people to make us happy. We already have unlimited potential for happiness inside of us… if we just let go the insecurities and let ourselves just be.
It’s pretty scary stuff. It’s hard to do. But isn’t happiness worth that? Don’t you want to be YOU really YOU and not just MOSTLY you when it is convenient?
Be brave. Be your most authentic self!
Maybe you’ll inspire a friend to get down with their inner-selves, as well.
Let your inner you shine out. I guarantee you, you are an awesome person on the inside. Share your awesomeness. Sing it out. Stand out! Be Y-O-U!
As Dr. Seuss said, “why fit in, when you were born to STAND OUT?!?”