Back to my yoga roots
But, one day, after sobbing my way through savasana….I stopped going to Laughing Lotus. I took classes focused on form, alignment, and rigorous discipline based off of Iyengar and Ashtanga traditions. Somehow, I felt too vulnerable, too alive, too too at Laughing Lotus. And I wasn’t ready for it…yet.
I kept the yoga practice up, but I realized that, as time goes on, my yoga practice started to lose it’s soul. It needed the laughing lotus. It needed glitter. Chanting. Free movement. Smiles. Laughter. Tears. Full embodied expression. Connection to the divine. And it needed to get me feeling, breathing, moving and fully present with myself and those around me. All my talk of present moment awareness and yet, the longer I practiced, the more my personal practice became an opportunity to try and be the perfectionist. I focused so deeply on alignment, precision, the best poses to complement my running, the physicality of it. Even sitting down to meditation was an act of doing what should be done.
But I have never been about doing what should be done. I am about doing what feels right.
In my 500 hour training at Carolina Yoga we explored the subtle body last week. And that gave me my first reminder that Lora needs to be feeling her yoga instead of doing or thinking so much.
I need me some Laughing Lotus in my yoga.
Because my yoga practice is not just a physical practice–but a place of celebration, self-expression, discovery, community, spirituality, love, and mindfulness. My yoga needed a loving kick in the pants. And boy did it get one! 🙂 A beautiful, joyful, fully embodied kick in the pants.
From the moment I walked in to Laughing Lotus, I knew instinctively I had made the right choice to return. I am so totally different than I had been when I last set foot in the studio. What was once overwhelming, scary, and too much for me was now just right. I wasn’t ready for the class before…but I was ready now. And it was just perfect for me.
And so, I took part in Dana Flynn’s 15th anniversary of Laughing Lotus class on Friday.
I have never laughed, smiled, danced, cried, sweat, sung, or dove more deeply into my practice ever before. It was a truly joyous experience with a phenomenal love community. In that class (and the subsequent class I was able to catch), I felt fully alive.
The day that I sobbed and left Laughing Lotus for years, it was because I wasn’t ready. Wasn’t ready to love all the parts of myself. To breathe into the tough spaces in your heart. To accept the things you can and cannot change. To challenge myself in the physical asana but to also challenge myself mentally by letting go into the flow. By letting go into me, into community, into the dance of life. I hadn’t been ready to embrace the full me before. But now. Now I am ready. I am ready to enter my journey, to love all parts of myself, and to breathe into all the moments of life. Fully. Completely. With joy.
And that is truly an amazing feeling y’all!
Here I am after class with Dana and my new friend Lisa, an Australian yoga teacher visiting NYC from Melbourne! We are so sweaty, so happy, so gloriously alive!
Have you ever turned away from something because your initial interaction with it was scary? Because you weren’t ready. And then when you reconnect with it, it is like meeting a long lost friend. That long lost friend is me.
It’s pretty great y’all.
As always, let me know your thoughts in the comments below.