On Turning Thirty
Last night I could NOT sleep.
I usually am SUCH a sound sleeper.
I couldn’t sleep because I was having anxiety over turning thirty.
Yes, on Sunday the 15, I turn the big three-oh.
And this yoga teacher suffered from ALL the things I coach you not to.
I was wide-awake feeling the following NOT so pleasant feelings, including but not limited to: fear; anxiety; insecurity; feeling overwhelmed; self-doubt; annoyed; sad; etc. etc. etc.
It was like a total Lora freak out at 4 am.
And then I thought.
HOLD ON LORA!
You have a lot of amazing things in your life to be proud of and a lot of amazing things coming your way!
This was me ten years ago on my twentieth birthday:
I forgot all about this birthday party until I saw this photo. It was a “pink pirate” party with a few other girls. I can’t quite remember why we were pink pirates, but there you go!
Here I am this year:
So much has changed since I turned twenty. I’m happier than I was then in so many ways. Some things that I’ve done in the past decade:
- Graduated from top college with a great GPA
- Had some amazing professional experiences, including working for Sesame Street and Eckerd College
- Earned my 200 hour yoga degree and am now an E-RYT at the 200 hour and am enrolled in my 500 hour training
- I got healthy and learned to love my body–even though it may not be perfect
- I’ve traveled around the country
- I’ve made amazing lifelong friends
- I’ve written in my journal (almost) every day for over ten years, that’s pretty amazing!
- I’ve learned to live on my own
- I learned to drive a car! (Because would you know, I didn’t know how back then?!)
- I survived a really bad car accident! Not a happy experience, but the end result is that I’m really grateful for everything!
- I’ve become an avid runner and completed four half marathons, with more on the horizon including my first FULL marathon
- I’ve grown my relationship with my parents and family–and have wonderful “family” that I’m not technically related to
- I’ve hosted a huge yoga fundraiser called Energize Tampa Bay in 2010, I did a big event to promote creativity and playwriting called Tampa Bay Plays
- I started this blog 😉
- I’ve loved and lost, but I’ve also loved and made some special friends for life
- I’ve learned that if you don’t like something, you really CAN change it
- I’ve started to love money, not be shy talking about money, and know that wanting money is NOT a bad thing
- I gave up on a dream of being an actress, let in a new dream, and found that you can accomplish dreams in a myriad of ways
- I’ve learned to stop thinking so gosh darn much
- I’ve learned that there is no “where you’re supposed to be” at thirty. We’re all on different journeys and need to appreciate life as it comes.
- Life is fragile. People you care about may get sick or they may die. But the relationships and the love for them never will. And that’s why you should always make the most out of each and every day.
I’m sure there are fifty million more things I could write down. Things that I’ve done in a decade that I’m proud of. Things that I’m not proud of. But the end result is this.
I am happy.
I am happy with my life and confident that I am going in the right direction.
It doesn’t look the way I pictured it when I was a child. It doesn’t look the way I pictured it when I was twenty. Heck, it doesn’t even look the way I thought it might a year ago. But it’s my life. And I’m gonna enjoy every moment of it.
This is the song by James Morrison that seems stuck in my head today. I think it’s appropriate as I look at my approach to the next however many years ahead of me. I’m going to enjoy them. I’m going to dive in. I”m going to live fully. Because you “only got one life and I’m gonna live it right.”
I don’t know what the future holds for me. There’s a lot of exciting changes happening in my life right now. And I just need to stay present, stay open, stay confident, stay vulnerable, stay loving, stay me.
Because at the end of the day, at the end of my life, I don’t ever want to look back and go “oh I wish I hadn’t spent all that time when I turned 30 worrying about what 30 means…”
It’s just a number.
I still get carded everywhere I go. 😉
And my heart will be forever young. Heck, thirty *is* actually pretty young. Hopefully I have another sixty years of life in me, or more!
But as I turn thirty, I let go of my expectations for where I thought I would be. But I won’t let go my dreams. I won’t let go my spirit. And I won’t let go the love, compassion, and gratitude I have for all the wonderful people and amazing experiences I have and have had in my life.
Thank you all. I #PassLove to each and every one of you.