Is someone trying to genuinely help you or are they trying to play on your insecurities?
We all have them!!
They are normal.
But when seeking out help you need to ask yourself…is the person I am reaching out to genuinely trying to help and assist me?
There are so many people and companies in authority positions–teachers, wellness professionals, authors, television personalities, even pastors, who thrive on insecurity.
You need to ask what does this person want from me?
If they answer isn’t “this person wants what is best for me and to make me a happy and healthier person” then RUN AWAY. Change directions. Devote your energy, money, and time, towards those people who want to see you succeed and are rooting for you!
Recently, I have been observing how insecurities play out. There seem to be different roots for the cause, but these reasons include:
- covetousness (similar to greed, but can be mutually exclusive)
- access (to your friends, your network, etc.)
I am sure the list could go on and on.
But these qualities all have one thing in common. What? FEAR.
These authority figures are afraid of what happens if you truly find happiness, if they actually cure you of your back pain, if you get that happy marriage, if you get that promotion, if you’re financially secure, if you don’t need to come back, if you disagree with them, if they don’t get more contacts from you, the list goes on. Basically, they are afraid of what happens if you don’t need them any more.
The true people who want to help you WANT to see you succeed, to be healthy, to be happy, to do well in your business, to have a happy marriage, to etc. etc. etc. They want you to grow up and surprise their knowledge, to move on, to retire, to go at it alone, to shine.
While at the bookstore looking for a yoga book, I found myself accidentally in the self-help section. Let me tell you, that is one scary section! Aisle after aisle of books preying on people’s insecurities. (And I’m not even getting into what I discovered in the DIET section!) For every book that seemed genuinely dedicated to helping people–there were ten more maximizing insecurities and providing what looked to be shallow advice designed to make people feel more insecure, worse, and generally buy some other book, dvd, etc. to “help” them on their journey.
It is right for people to be paid for their talents and services. This is a good and healthy exchange. It is not right, however, for people to GET you to pay for them by making you feel insecure, bad about yourself, needy, incomplete, scared, etc.
These people (some of whom seem to run rampant on the internet and facebook newsfeeds, as well) are afraid that they will be exposed. That you will realize that they actually DON’T KNOW HOW TO HELP YOU and that you will, therefore, not pay them money/tell your friends/take their workshop/etc. Or they are scared that you KNOW MORE THAN THEM or are ready to GO IT ALONE. It all bottles down to fear that you will LET THEM GO.
Instead of receiving healing energy, useful tips, LEARNING–you are being drawn into a viscous cycle of BUY BUY BUY. Take this class, that class, attend this seminar, this session, etc. etc.
If someone is saying that you need THEM to be a happy person, that there’s something WRONG with you even if you feel happy, or that someone is playing on your DOUBTS or trying to make you feel INSECURE, are they really doing what is best for you?
I have an amazing acupuncturist in St. Petersburg. She does not make me come in when I am healthy “just because.” She treats me when I need it, and doesn’t make me come when I don’t. Ditto for my wonderful sports massage therapist.
But think about the chiropractor who says you can’t function without visiting him once a week, the dentist who wants you to get oodles of cosmetic dentistry, maybe it is your wealth management consultant, your therapist, your athletic trainer, a professor (if you are in school), even your boss.
Are they wanting to HELP you or HURT you to benefit THEMSELVES?
If you are someone in one of these positions of power, stop and think. Are you WORRIED about your next paycheck? Are you being greedy and wanting more money? Are you helping someone because it is the right thing to do, or are you only “helping them enough” in a way to benefit you? Are you even helping them at all?
Surround yourselves with people who treat you with love and respect and want to see you shine your best. Especially when it comes to who you learn from, who you buy from, who you pray with, who you train with, who you see for you health and wellness.
If someone makes you feel insecure, dependent on them, frightened, inadequate, like a loser, ugly, fat, desperate, or otherwise UNWORTHY–these people are not helping you. They are not looking out for you. They are not sending good energy to you.
Forgive them for their own fear. Explain how they make you feel, if possible. Sometimes a mentor can become a mentee if you have a shot heart-to-heart. If you can’t talk it out, don’t want to talk it out, or if it someone small or easily removed from your life. End it. Move on or simply find a new resource. Do not let someone else’s insecurities make you feel bad about yourself or create a cycle of negativity. That will leave you unsatisfied. (Sometimes this will even permeate to dissatisfaction with regards to money, health issues, you name it!) Negativity, begone!
Trust yourself first and foremost. And trust that God wants you to be awesome! And if a “helper” is telling you otherwise…that helper is a toxic influence on your life. Let the negativity go!
Everyone deserves happiness. Surround yourself with people who want you to succeed and wish you joy. You both will find greater contentment as a result!